an open letter to somebody that I used to know

I never know how these kinds of letters are supposed to start, how I’m meant to introduce the beginning of the end. Breakups are inherently difficult, but of all the trials and tribulations one has to endure throughout one, I think initiating the conversation that will ultimately result in sorrowful separation might be the hardest. So, I guess I’ll just come out and say what you already know is coming: things are over between you and me. 

Contemplating the end of something always gets me thinking about the start: the first encounter, the first impression, the first time you feel the spark. I will admit that you made a fabulous first impression and I was smitten almost instantly. I won’t use the cliché “love at first sight,” but you sure did sweep me off my feet. You were charming, warm, driven and invigorating. You really seemed to have it all. You made me feel lucky just to be in your presence, even made me go as far as to pity those who weren’t fortunate enough to be near you.

Though the purpose of this letter is to say goodbye, I feel I owe it to you to admit all these things, tell you just how much you meant to me. Our relationship was my constant, the one thing I could count on for stability when everything else was chaos. Friends, family (people in general I suppose), they can sometimes let you down, but at the end of each day I always had you. Not anymore.

I loved you so much, but I didn’t realize until recently how little you loved me back. It’s not that you were cruel or unkind, you simply didn’t care. And when I leave, you will keep moving at your ever-rapid pace without me, never even skipping a beat. It’s sad to think about how much I will miss you, how I will long for us to resolve our differences and get back together, but you’ll barely notice I’ve left. I guess this is the hardest part to admit that "they go on just fine without you".

The truth is: I just feel tired all the time. I’m tired of trying so hard to change for you, tired of attempting to be someone I’m not when you are so unwilling to make any compromises for me. I’d like to think that someone better suited for you will replace me; that she’ll come find you just as I’m saying farewell. Maybe you were just a chapter in my book, but you can be the “happily ever after” in her.

I know I’ve said some harsh things, but this is just how I’m feeling right now. We need some space, some time apart, but I really hope that we’ll be friends in the future. Sure, we didn’t end up being soul-mates like I thought. Somewhere down the line I hope you’ll allow me to come for a visit, get coffee, have dinner, maybe even spend a day at the beach? That’d be really nice, wouldn’t it? I’m already looking forward to that day.

Until then....